The holidays are a time to eat great food, relax, and spend time with extended family. However, all too often we are accosted by rude family members. I am sure that we’ve all heard some of these (or said them):
“When are you going to get married?”
“Why don’t you have kids yet?” Followed by “You aren’t getting any younger!”
“Why don’t you try for that little girl?”
“You’re STILL working there?”
“Why did you wear that? You know you’re too big for that!”
Crazy, right? While MOST family members don’t have malicious intent, those questions are rude and insensitive to some of us. We don’t know what private struggles some family and friends are going through. I love my in-laws, but if you are not girded with the armor of self love and confidence; they will break you all the way down. Will clown you the first time they meet you. I was NOT ready. On my other sides of the family, we’re a little more subtle. We will try to wait until you leave to talk about you. That way you can just hear it from someone else. I say “we” because I am definitely guilty. It wasn’t until I was on the receiving end that I realized how rude we can be during the holiday season, even if we really “don’t mean anything by our comments”. Holidays are a time to love on one another not start a “roast session” on our family members.
So in preparation for Christmas dinner, I have prepared 5 ways to deal with rude family during the holidays. I can share these with you because at one time or another I’ve used them.
5. The Shut Down – You know when you just ignore everyone because you’re mad and the issue is still not addressed? This doesn’t work at all. Usually you end up looking weird and awkward. And it allows people to spin their own narrative about you. Useless. Doesn’t work. At. All. Effectiveness Rating: 0
4. Passive Aggressive Approach – This is also at the bottom of the list. Hiding anger, then trying to deliver a catty comment. Then retract said catty comment because you can’t stand up for yourself. Although you may exhibit superficial bravado, others can see your self-confidence is very poor. It causes people to react to you with hostility. Effectiveness Rating : 2-3
3. Time Bomb – Pressing your feelings deep down until you can’t take it–also a little risky. It usually ends in a Love and Hip Hop Time Wig Pulling or Basketball Wives glass throwing scene. Pure entertainment for everyone else, but a sure way to get uninvited to future events. You could even catch a case! Effectiveness Rating: 5-6 Entertainment Rating: 10+
2. The Recruiter – This method can be effective if your spouse is covering and protecting you as he should (shade!). The recruiter will call in others to assist them in standing up to someone rude. This is sometimes necessary when it’s an in-law. You don’t want the conflict to be blown out of proportion so a third party (usually a spouse) can be called in to mediate. Butttt it can go the other way too. You come off looking weak because you won’t just address the issue yourself. Effectiveness rating: 6-7
1. The ClapBack – The ClapBack–also known as a “read” is my personal favorite (don’t judge me). Now this is a tedious undertaking. You definitely need to do your research. You have to find out enough information (also known as tea) about them to craft the perfect retort to silence this rude family member! Is it the right thing to do–probably not?!!! Effectiveness Rating: 10+ (if executed properly) Entertainment Rating: 10+ I have a few examples below:
Please share with me your ways to deal with rude folks during the holidays!! I won’t judge, we all need to do better!! Especially me!
Sweaterdress ~ Target ~ $ 23 (5% off with your RedCard)
Metallic Tights ~ TJMaxx ~ $6
Sam Edelman Pumps ~ TJMaxx ~ $50
Black Bracelet Clutch ~ Aldo ~ $25
Spike Earrings ~ Beauty Supply ~ $1